I am returning to Goa on 11th of December. This time it is going to be a little more than a vacation. Many things on agenda and some toughest ones. Will blog about them in due course of time.
Never before I felt so dire need to go Home. And when I say Home it is exactly the way Viktor Navorski says it in the end of The Terminal. May be it is the effect of Mumbai city. This city is so crowded with strangers that you start feeling lonely. When you feel lonely you feel like going Home.
Besides parent I miss my pulsar. Owning a bike was my long felt dream, when it came true I had to shift to Bombay where bikes are banned in campus. Thanks to my auto-freak neighbor my bike is in good hands. He keeps it so Good that when I return I dont feel like touching it. It’s that clean.
I miss fish. I miss Bhelpuri at miramar and of course the curvy roads of Karmal ghat. There is something about home that makes you feel good. There is something unknown about home that you miss. It is the joker in the pack of card which doesnt really has a concrete identity but it gets the sense of completeness to the game.
When people ask me where I stay in Goa, I too wonder what is the answer. Whenever in Goa I spend time at my uncle’s place in Panaji most of the time. Thanks to the beautiful city and broadband connection. But I dont own any place there, after all it is someone else’s place.
My native place is Cancon where my family owns a house and property(?). But I don’t spend more than 20 days a year there. Thanks to the underdevelopment. No good roads, no good connectivity and no friends to hang out with. The only reason I go there is because my parents stay there.
Problem with village life is, its description is always like an obituary. A person who was corrupt or devil himself is portrayed as a good or perhaps a great man once he is a dead. Everyone talks about how beautiful this village is and how colorful its people are. But in reality every village represents our failure to develop economically and socially.
But it’s a boon on one hand. When I reach there are only three things before me. My parents, Tata Sky and a lot of time to kill. My ancestors displayed a great foresight and built the house at a place where it is impossible to receive even AM radio waves forget the mobile range.
Since both my parents are non-working the only thing they do in my presence is giving full attention to me. We talk about every matter on earth and I realize that we belong to such very different worlds. Every time I visit my old village it is the same but I find myself changed. I usually carry with myself something interesting for my parents last time I had got a Rubic Cube.
My mom complains about the rising inflation and how she bargained with the fisher women to get the best deal. Her budget is like Rs. 50 and when I am around it usually triplicate or quadruplicates. I never tell her that I spend Rs. 600 on a single meal in Ritz Classic. To be honest any ordinary fish at home tastes far better than the best in the restaurant.
Actually this is the case with most of the people of my village who managed to get themselves a decent education. Coming from a lower middle class agriculture based family we are in transition to become a white collared proper middle class family. That transition is very important the one who misses it stay in the marsh of poverty as I see with most of my friends.
But that transition is so bloody difficult and comes with unimaginable sacrifices especially if you are from a rural area. The only barrier to that transition is good education which comes with time (10-15 years) and a price tag (5-6lakhs). Unless your parents have planned it well for you it becomes really difficult. You have to spend all those years away from your parents when you needed them the most. It like the movie finding Nemo where a little fish finds itself in an unknown world.
I am not sure if I was luck or unlucky in that sense. I never had enough money to go through these barriers but I had unimaginable support from friends and family. It feels great when a young kiddo from my village walks up to me and talks with a friendly tone as if he had known me for a long time and asks me if he can make to IIT. Those are the times when I keep the Cynic in me locked up deep down the secret chambers of my heart.
I make a point to visit the main temple in the village and speak to the priest who was also my drawing teacher in the school.
I am aware that I have very high chances of having a secure future. But the price that I have paid to earn that security is equally high. Moreover I feel that the price that my parents have paid is priceless. I will get returns on my investment but they will not get anything.
I always relate myself strongly to Satyajit Ray’s Apu Trilogy. The 3rd part of that movie really scares me.
Concepts of life, love,family, home, family, struggle, success are very subtle. A 160 char sms or 4000 char blog nothing can explain them in a convincing way.