Social Skill or the lack thereof


I might end up having extensive experience in building social networking apps but when it comes to my social skills I feel the apes will outperform me. My social skills are a bit like Sheldon Cooper and the fact that it is not accompanied with similar level of intelligence is an embarrassment. Here is a classic example of what happened yesterday.

Me and my friend walked into a multiplex for a movie. We were waiting for the hall to open and a girl passed by us. My friend and she said “hi” to each other. The dialogs between me and my friend are reproduced below:

Me: Who is she?

Friend: Oh, she is a colleague. Happens to work in our company.

Me: Your project ?

Friend: I have no idea. We happen to see each other sometimes in the elevator or in the cafeteria.

Me: Whats so special about the girl that you notice her so much.

[Now, my friend knows me just too well so he knows where this conversation is going]

Friend: There is nothing special about the girl. If “any” person from my company happens to meet me outside the company and if I am fairly confident that we have seen each other before I ensure that I give a smile or greet that person. It doesn’t matter if I have spoken to that person before or not. It does not matter if I will ever have any business with that person or not. Freaks, these are basic social skills.

Me (in my mind): Ceaser’s Ghost. Greeting people whom you don’t know fully is like “aa bail muze maar”.

I pondered our this situation a little more. I realized that my social circle is pretty much static. Its like small circles divided into small groups. No group exceeds more that 4 people and if it exceeds 4 people, I leave the group or make someone else leave the group. I also ensure none of these groups have any intersection sets. It is like in my mind I have limited seats for friends and if seats are full I simply can’t make new friends. If I make one some other person is losing the friend status in my mind.

I avoid greeting people not because I am hostile or mean. I just don’t see the point in it. I think myths about introverts explains nicely what lies beneath this apparent rudeness.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

My policy has been to keep few people around and to know these people in as much detail in possible. Once I figure out that a person is non-predictable, emotionally unstable etc. I immediately call the relation off.

Epilogue

This is what happened with my friend in few minutes. He had a heated conversation on phone. I asked him what happened. It seems while we two had come to watch a movie couple of his friends had landed into his house with some other plan. Since they did not inform him beforehand they found his house locked and assumed this situation to be the betrayal of friendship. My friend was very upset with the whole conversation and so were his other friends waiting on his flat door. I was the one who enjoyed the movie.

I hope the prophecy “nerds shall inherit the earth” comes true.

 

 

 

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