Love and Relationships

Valentines day is just over and almost whole media is full of it.

Most of the literature around love and relationships seems to be completely frivolous and the popular ones are nothing but lies. During days like these most of my facebook friends start posting this nonsense on their wall and that gives me a hint to unfriend them.

There are hell lot of self-help books as far as relationships are concerned and many of them are popular. Unfortunately only one or two are based on any scientific evidence and rest all are just feel good books. Sometimes it is very dangerous to follow their advice too.

One common problem with many troubled relationships is to decide your stance is reasonable or not. In close relationships like husband and wife sometimes reasonable stand and right stand might be different. For example the relationship might actually improve if you except a certain thing to be your mistake when actually it was not your mistake. In some cases you have to take the right stand and in some cases you have to take the reasonable stand. For example, if your wife expects you to use your position to unfairly advantage one of her relatives than you should take the right stand of “saying no” where as if she is upset that you dont believe in “valentines day” you should take the reasonable stand of making her happy by doing something for her. Sometimes it is impossible to decide what is the reasonable stand.

Here is a simple tip.

Our decisions are best when we are not under the influence of negative emotions such as anger, greed and selfishness. The best decisions are made when we are happy, compassionate and innocent. So when you want to know how you should behave in a troubled relationship say with your girlfriend or wife (or boyfriend or husband) follow this recipe.

Imagine that you have a small kid who is looking at your behavior with your spouse. The kid does not know what goes into the minds of it’s parents but it can see the way they are behaving with each other. Now imagine that kid to be you and quickly wonder how you would like the adult to be behaving. Bingo, you are likely to hit upon the “right” thing the person should have been doing.This should be done instinctively, you should not use too much of logic or take too much of time. Imagine a fight you had with your partner and imagine the kid watching it, wonder what alternative the kid would have liked to see. It works like a charm.

Now, this might sound like some kind of magic trick but it has some sound basis. Human’s have evolved from very primitive form. Millions years ago when humans were nothing but animal’s in tribes they realized that the only way they can ensure their survival is by taking extra care of the children. The kids were given special attention not just by the parents but even other humans in the tribe. No one would generally hurt, attack or leave a kid in position where it could get hurt. Even today subconsciously a baby face invokes compassion and empathy in our hearts. Something essential for making right decisions in relationships. Thinking in a kids point of view instinctively can give us that correct perspective.

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