CWG league!

There is not need to get distressed over the news of falling ceilings and collapsing bridges days before CWG is about to begin. External and utterly unreliably sources tell me that Congress has decided to create a “CWG League” (based on justice league) to set things straight.

CWG league is going to save the “Izzat and aabroo” of our great nation. They are going to restore the already ruptured hymen of our country’s claim on anything that sounds like “efficiency and competence”.

The leader of the CWG league complained to my source saying “why do people bother so much about a collapsed ceiling ? Weren’t in one of the greatest games organized in India, the winner “Ram” ended up breaking a bow of antic value¬† and still the kind was forgiving and got him married to his daughter. There is no faith in our people’s heart these days. We are here to restore it”.

Let me introduce the CWG League team here.

1. Leader : Kalman

Among all the superheros world has seen this man’s name resembles the most to his alter ego. Kalman is going to wear a black dress just like batman. He will add some padding to his chest (not silicon) to hide his paunch and make him look muscular. Even though in real life he has been a pilot Kalmaan is going to ride a bicycle. “Bat-Bicyle” is hired from Pune’s Sadashiv Saykal Bhadyane Milnyache Dukaan. To keep it in line with everything else related to CWG this bat-cycle is hired at a rate of Rs 300 per hour instead of standard Rs. 3 per hour.

Kalman is going wear a black mask and on that he is going to wear his spectacles and then he will roam around the CWG venue. He will look at the real estate. When no one is looking he is going to clean up the toilets, put the Rs 4000 per role toilet paper there, clean the roads, apply re-enforcing concrete to sagging structures.

Kalman though has strong regrets. He admits that his real-life alter ego is blamed for everything that’s related to CWG failure, its not the fault of him alone. In fact there were many who came in his mask as depicted by the following picture.

2. Robin

Jahan batman hai wahan robin bhi hoga. This superhero (!) of ours manages to get publicity out of his planned heroic acts. Sleeping in a dalits home traveling in mumbai local. Albeit the latter one is certainly a heroic act. Kalman has not yet managed it while Robin has.

Even though people have complained that Robin’s heroics acts have never had substance and most of it looked something like the video below

Instead of going to CWG venue Robin will go to villages and sleep, dine with dalits. He will first give his schedule to all the media guys. He will then travel by a bull-cart on the road that was sanction to be built during his grandfather’s time but not yet built. Then he will work with NREGS workers on a project that is supposed to dig a whole and then close it back. Robin is going to plant a babool tree on top of that hole which will be names after his father.

Just like Bharat took Ram’s paduka several congress leaders in those areas will be ready to lift his footwear.

One might wonder what this has got to do with CWG. Those brainless morons will never understand Robin’s smart strategy. Since most of the cameraman will be busy covering Robin’s activities fewer cameras will be focused on CWG thus it will hide the shame.

3. ShehenshahSingh

Shehensha Singh had initially thought that he would wipe the floor and contribute to CWG’s glory. His real life identity does not have much work besides reading speeches and he thought he would clean up the whole CWG floor in few days. But the most efficient man in his country suggested that it will not be enough. Shensha Sing has taken his word for it.

Now with his iron hand he is going to roam around the “sunsan sadak” during “andheri raats”.

“I like my iron hand a lot” —¬† said Shehensha Singh. “I dont get to use it in my real life neither can I can clean up despite being the most clean man”.

With the $35 vacuum cleaner fitted to my iron hand I will clean up entier CWG venue in no time. Said ShahenshahSingh.

If there is anything that can save CWG from turning an ugly mess its the heroic act of some superhero. We all know the reality of superheros dont we ?

Jokes apart , I wish a grand and mega-grand failure to CWG. Let the world do a “cheee thooo” on us. Let this event get recorded in history as the most shameful thing in India’s history excluding the Gandhi family blunders. And if the fellow citizens have “drunk their maa kaa doodh” will take this shame a bit more seriously. It is too much to expect that the guilty be punished but at least the reality that we are a “super-power” will be proved a myth.

Some friends argue that its India’s image that’s going to get hurt and we should not wish bad for our country. I dont agree. The failure of CWG will only reflect the underlying reality of Indian government. While we have some good example in private sector our government does nothing but to shout slogans. This utter incompetence needs to come before the world.